- Karen S. Clymer
I Don't Need to Understand, Just Hold His, (God's) Hand
My mind goes back to a cold winter night in 1976 in a small country church in eastern Oklahoma, where we were conducting a Kids crusade. My heart and my mind were so troubled sitting on the platform that evening as we waited for the service to be turned to us to begin the crusade. Times were difficult financially since nearly all of our kids crusades were booked for the spring and summer, with few pastors willing to try a Fall or especially a winter kids crusade. Temporary jobs in the winter were almost impossible to find; we were really beginning to feel the pinch as finances tightened. It looked hopeless. For weeks I had been crying out to God for help and for God to explain why we, His children, were experiencing such financial problems. It didn’t seem right for a preacher to be going through this—a preacher that couldn’t pay his bills looked like a dead beat preacher— a poor example. God why? please tell me why, I constantly begged, telling him, “I just don’t understand.”
Before coming for this Kids crusade we were totally humiliated to have to go to the lending officer at the bank where I was formerly employed before going into full time child evangelism, and explain that we didn’t have the money to make the payment on our vehicle, a full size van, but that we had a kids crusade scheduled and perhaps would get enough to make the payment or at least a partial payment. Jim was so kind and gracious and said there was no way they would let us lose the van with only about a thousand dollars owed on it—that we could pay the interest this month instead of a payment. That brought immediate relief, but the next payment loomed, plus the van tag which was almost past due which would mean the cost would double, and with only that one kids crusade lined up for weeks----it looked totally hopeless.
During this time, one day, after I had cried out to God for understanding and got no response, I was busy cleaning house and tossed something into the garbage and just as I did, God chose that unlikely time to speak these two powerful words to my heart, “Trust Me.” I knew I had heard from God, but still my troubled heart and mind wouldn’t be still. I was looking at the expenses and the little amount of money we had available. True, there was a small bright spot on the horizon—each March since resigning from the bank to go into full time child evangelism, I was sent a portion of the profit sharing fund that I had earned, but it would be about $300.00, and though greatly appreciated, it simply would not be adequate. Yet, God was saying to me, "Trust Me."
Then, that evening sitting in that small church with my mind in turmoil----rehashing the bills due, especially the van payment, and the seriousness of our situation--looking at the circumstances, instead of God and His character and His specific word to me—"Trust Me"--in fear and desperation, I cried out to Him from my weary heart, “I just don’t understand.” Instantly, and I really mean that–instantly the pastor’s wife, who was leading the service in place of her ill husband, turned to a gentleman in the congregation and said, “Bro. Glen, will you please come and sing the song, I Don’t Need to Understand, Just Hold His Hand?” Tears began to course down my face as I realized the great love and concern of God for this poor, scared child of His. Just as I cried out, at that precise moment, He had that pastor’s wife call for the song with the message I desperately needed to hear. As tears of awe and relief coursed down my face, I didn’t know how God would do it, but I did know I could trust Him and I did. After the service I told the pastor’s wife how much I appreciated the song and that it really ministered to me. She said it was the strangest thing—that she hadn’t planned to have that song sung, but that suddenly God spoke to her heart to have it sung. God is a marvel at precision timing.
It has been accurately said that God is in time--- on time–every time. When the tag was about to double and the next van payment was almost due, the letter came that would contain my annual profit share partial payment. Only this time----what was it—what was the amount on this check–could I be seeing it correctly? Yes, it was over $1,000.00. I read the accompanying letter explaining that due to a change in the Federal laws reference profit sharing funds, they had made the decision to disburse the funds lump sum. God had said, "Trust Me." In my fear and doubt I had said, “I just don’t understand.” He had answered in a song to me—“I don’t need to understand–just hold His hand.” I was ashamed that I hadn’t trusted Him, but relieved He was longsuffering and faithful. Needless to say, we had a time of praise and worship at our house and went happily to the bank to pay off the loan, buy the tag–[just before the amount due doubled], pay the utilities on time and any other expenses due. God is faithful! He has impeccable character!